04 October 2018

4/20 MASSACRE

Well I guess you can learn something new everyday if you want to. Keep your mind open. Sometimes I actually do not even want to learn anything new and yet I do. Like regarding this crappy ass independent horror movie called 4/20 Massacre. I already knew that most independent horror movies sucked big time, and this one was no exception. It sucked so bad I think I watched less than  ten minutes of it total before I just could not take it any longer. But I did learn that pot heads have an actual "holiday" of sorts on April 20th each year. Why the 20th exactly? I guess I could Google that up but I don't really care. Just knowing that there is an actual day of celebration for nothing other than huffing on cannabis was more new information than I could take in one day. Now mind you that while I do not drink or do drugs myself any longer in life back in the day I smoked my share of pot and did some other pretty wild ass things related to being "cool" and drinking and drugging. Yea. It was pretty hip and enlightening and all. But back then we did drugs, like marijuana, the way drugs should be done. With the knowledge that we are actually harming our minds and bodies and deep inside under our hippie arrogance and paranoid conspiracy theories about "big brother" watching us, we knew we had a problem. A serious problem. And we longed to actually not be smoking pot and drinking and snorting shit. Sure, we were young and dumb, but guilt ridden. In a good way. Well, now a new generation of dumb ass young people with smart phones have a Weed Day. It must be like Earth Day or Gay Day I guess. For Weed Day they must stand up and toke away and be proud and take selfies of themselves all stoned. And hell, nowadays pot isn't bad for you any longer. What the hell did we know back in the Led Zeppelin days? We didn't have the Internet yet so we were a bunch of unread hicks back then. I know I was. Hell, If you knew something you had to have read it in a book, newspaper or magazine. And that stuff ain't nowhere as reliable as Reddit or Google +. So guess what! Pot not only does not cause cancer or other ailments, but it actually cures them all! Hell yea. We didn’t know that shit back then. We just assumed inhaling a burning weed that caused immediate mental impairment into our lungs and holding it as long as we could had to cause some slight bit of harm. Nah. And anything you read to the contrary is propaganda from the tobacco and alcohol industries. 

So, in any case, what is this movie about? I really don't know. I hated it so much I turned it off. It was too bad for me. I don't know want to know anything about it. Maybe you have to be stoned on some of that marijuana stuff to get into it. Takes place out doors. Teenagers hiking and camping. Bunch of dumb girls with bongs. So, pretty original from the start. And the "dense forest" the girls are often turned around in and that the killer creeps around in camouflage in looks more like the type of sparsely wooded area you might find around a rest stop or State park. Shit you can see fifty yards away in any direction. Later, I gather from some frustrated fast forwarding, some psycho in the woods starts killing them off in typical slasher style to protect his crop of homegrown dope. But this so called action does not occur until about  about two thirds of the way into the film. Or more. So many of these crappy outdoor movies rely on lots of walking and lots of talking to move the story along. The filmmakers are too dumb to do anything else with the cheap actors and expensive equipment. In one dismal sequence even fast forwarding couldn't save me. It seemed like I could not get out of a section of the film where two stoned girls were just walking and talking through the "deep dark” wilderness. It just went on and on. Unbelievable to be honest. And just what the heck were they yammering about for so long? Who cares. Who fucking cares! It is a way of just filling in frames of film to pad out the movie. I am sure the thing was shot on video but you get my drift. I just began praying for the slasher killer to start shredding them to bits, to make the misery end. This movie is bad, bad, bad. Not in the so bad it is good sort of bad, rather it is just so bad it is simply fucking bad kind of bad. This is what happens when loser stoners make movies I guess. I suggest people avoid this film. It may well be a gateway movie. After this you are may start thinking Troma films aren't really so bad after all. Just say no. 




Yes brother! Kill them all! Kill! Kill! I am with you!


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