15 July 2018

CHILD EATER/2016


I was hesitant to label Child Eater under Drek Ahead (NOTE: Drek Ahead is a reference to a since deleted category) because I have been labeling almsot every other movie I watch lately under this new category and I thought maybe it is getting old. In the end I decided not to even though I did not like the movie too much. Just because a movie is bad does qualify it to be drek I admit. In fact I like a lot of movies that are actually bad. So what make a movie like this, drek or not drek? Do I have some system or not? Well, maybe I am sorting it out still. A couple factors I think. One is that I find I cannot finish the film. I already have a category called Movies I Could Not Finish and usually I put in four films at a time with a , but in truth most of those films are not drek. I did not like John Wick, but it is not drek by any stretch.  One factor is that a film liek John Wick I may give another shot. Maybe it was the wrong time and I was in the wrong mood. But no way will I give Child Eater another shot. I don't even care who the director is or who played in it or what the production back story is. It used to interest me to "research" all of that but not anymore. I did not expect that much from the film but it went lower than my expectations in most places and I also felt a sense of irritation at being tricked by rave reviews of the film. Who writes those sort of reviews? The director's family? 

I did not care much for the acting or the actors from the beginning but I still gave it a shot for a while. The baby sitter girl is simply too unattractive. I know, know. These are modern times that are rife with social consciousness and all that and we should give fat girls with big noses and oily hair regular looking gals a chance at being a horror movie final girl too. But if the chick is not hot then she must be able to act. Here is a not hot gal who can't act and her poor acting skills, with annoying facial tics and twitches,  is apparent and grating on your nerves. There is her black male friend who just started his job on the small town police force. But, he seems to be gay! Why it is implied he is gay is beyond me. The girl is preggers from her annoying boyfriend and that potentially wasted and useless subplot is forgotten about as quickly as it is introduced. I began fast forwarding the film about half way through just to get it all over with. 

The super short synopsis is about a freaky serial killer stalker guy who eats the eyes of children because he thinks it will restore his sight. Okay, did you get that? The killer is BLIND! Yet he still stalks people and kills them off. He easily liquidates the armed small town police force (except the black gay dude, thank God) and terrorizes a little boy named Lucas and his fat babysitter Helen all without being able to see. At first the movie seems to going down a monster under the bed or a boogeyman in the closet route. Up to a scene where the closet door opens as Lucas turns towards it slowly I felt the film had some B-Movie promise. But suddenly Helen and her boyfriend are out of the house looking for the boy in the area where it is known the eye ball eater lurks. Yea, he only eats the eyes, not the entire child, so the title lies! And actually almsot everyone he kills and eats the eyes of is an adult! Liars! liars! I want to see kids terrorized and eaten! Who doesn't want to see that!

The killer's hands look like those big, fakey rubber gloves you buy in a novelty store around Halloween. Too many problems for me to ignore. The director cannot build tension. I do not buy a blind killer. The acting and dialog is to too bad. Adding weird unnecessary side stories like Helen being pregnant or the black guy being gay added nothing to story so why bring them up. Helen is too unattractive for a horror movie lead girl and cannot act to compensate for that. And in the end the killer is just another joker in weird get up that is always one step ahead of everybody else, even though he is an old blind guy. I guess he had some supernatural powers. Seemed like that in some scenes I skimmed over. So what. Total drek. 






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