28 May 2018

DREK AHEAD/THE NEIGHBOR NO. 13/2005


Well this weird ass movie from weird ass Japan pretty much sucked. I notice I sort of like a lot of old Japanese movies, although I am not super crazy about them usually either. But I like the old Samurai movies, or those silly but fun giant monster movies and the arty black and white stuff from the 60’s. Some of those movies are pretty great even. But all this newer Japanese stuff I just don’t like all that much. I try, but it always comes back to stupid ass shit like this that people in those online forums like to dissect and try to figure out. “Oh, the ending means this!” “No, no, that is a ending that may have occurred in an alternate universe had this or that happened in the first act…blah blah blah.” It all means the movie doesn’t make a any sense but some people seem to think that something meaningless must have meaning and that they are one of the special elect few who can figure it out. I couldn’t figure out why this movie was so stupid and made no sense, especially as it got to the end section where things are supposed to come together somewhat, then I read it was taken from a manga comic book. Then I realized, oh yea, that’s why it is so stupid, because those manga things are all pretty stupid in the first place. Japanese dudes just read them for the panty shots. That’s the only reason I would look at them as well. (I don’t read them. I don’t read comic books anymore.)

While the movie is pretty stupid it does not actually start off that way. I felt I was going to like it. Some psycho revenge against school bullies type of thing. Well, it got stupid fast. More so it grows stupider and more meaningless as it nears the stupid ending, which seems like it takes forever to arrive at. Some guy who was bullied as a kid in yet another overrated Japanese public school grows up a real pussy but develops an alternate personality that assists him in situations that requires some balls. His other half has a face scarred from being burned with acid as a kid, back in that pathetic high school, but see he actually never got burned with acid. That’s an alternate reality thing. I think. The real guy looks sort of normal in a pussy, dorky sort of way. All this is thoroughly not explained as the film goes along and at the ending everything is utterly and entirely obfuscated. Basically it is like Donnie Darko in this respect. You can make up any meaning you like and you're right. Problem is, I don’t want to do that. I hate movies like that and feel it is a waste of my time to sit through some crappy film like this thinking something will be resolved by the end and it is not.

Another problem is some scenes drag on for way too long, in some attempt at being arty, or in rebellion against the shaky cam movement maybe. It is the no movement cam. No action. No sound. “Hey, is my file frozen or what?!” Further there are a couple weird things you tend to only find in these Japanese psycho “thrillers”. Like when the psycho goes nuts he does so by overacting the way a bad actor would portray a person going nuts. Flaying their arms about and making weird “crazy” sounds or squeaking like a baby penguin. But that is not the freakiest ass shit in this movie. There is a scene of a big ass human turd in one of those primitive Asian squat toilets. The camera decides it can linger on this turd for quite a bit longer than is really necessary, since even one half of a nano second is too damned long in my book. Some people online even say this big turd is symbolic of something else from the past. But you have to understand that a lot of Asian cultures put more meaning into turds than we in the west are used to. I live in China and know this for a fact. People in these countries see and smell more turds than people in a developed and mentally less fucked up culture would. We may just see a turd and think "ugh, human shit!", but they see a missing piece of some sort of cosmic jigsaw puzzle and they have to discuss it in chat rooms and disagree over the real meaning of the turd.

If you want to watch it go ahead, but don’t say Uncle Bill did not warn you. You will see a big turd within a bigger turd, which is this movie in itself, that is based on an idea from a turd of comic book. Me, I don’t like turds. I try to avoid them. It is a healthy thing to do.









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I just want to thank my biggest fan, Anonymous, for all his vague and generic comments. Thanks bro.