26 April 2018

BIG ASS SPIDER/2013

BIG ASS SPIDER/2013

DIRECTOR: Mike Mendez/WRITER: Gregory Gieras
CAST: Greg Grunberg, Lombardo Boyar, Ray Wise, Patrick Bauchau, Clare Kramer, Lloyd Kaufman (uncredited cameo)

I heard this movie was not too bad from some Youtube reviews channels. Well, it is pretty bad. But, but too bad if you’ve watched a few of those mega-shark type movies or some of those terrible T-Rex movies that are all over the place anymore. I just figure someday made some cheap ass T-Rex or shark CGI software and it is easy to use and so everybody is making mega-shark and T-Rex flicks. Well, here we have an actual mega-spider movie (the original title I believe was actually going to be Mega Spider and they changed it to the “catchier” Big Ass Spider). So, if you go into with the idea the film is coming from that angle then it will not be bad ride. It is not nearly as good as Eight Legged Freaks in terms of the special FX and acting and storyline, but being as Big Ass Spider features a brief cameo by Lloyd Kaufman, of Troma films “fame”, then you should know the over all feel will be pretty cheesy. Of course there old escape hatch mentality of deliberately making a bad or cheesy film, in the tradition of the straight to VHS movies of the 90’s by people like Charles Band And Fred Olen Ray but that does not really always work anymore. It fact it never really did but all that being said you could waste an hour and a half with worse fare I suppose.

A spider gets exposed to some military chemical that is to be used for enhancing tomatoes and cumbers and soon begins to grow, in stages, to huge sizes, spreading havoc and mayhem in its wake. On the spider’s big ass are super exterminator Alex, security guard Jose and a small band of military experts led by Major Braxton (Ray Wise) and Lieutenant Brandt. Brandy happens to be a hottie and there develops a little romantic angle with Alex. The best scenes and lines are the ones with Alex and Jose (Greg Grunberg and Lombardo Boyar). The two have a good screen chemistry and more of the film could have centered on them I feel. Most everything else is pretty goofy or just annoying for the most part. Here is a totally miscast actor who plays the hospital director. The guy looks like he should be playing a child pornographer or something equally loathsome. The Lt. Brandt character does not really work and an earlier female nurse character seemed more reasonable as a female lead and romantic partner for Alex, but she vanishes suddenly from the storyline for no real reason. Brandt (Clare Kramer) walking around with her pistol held up in the air and trying to act all military was not convincing.

But of the course the star of the film is the spider and it just did not really buy it. It was too big to believe and luckily for our heroes and heroines often slow and inept at being a predator. Earlier in the film the spider is shown at smaller, though still huge, sizes and is able to spit out flesh eating venom. I felt that size, or larger, like a dog or like the orb weaver sin Eight Legged Freaks, would have been scarier. And also perhaps more spiders. At one point there are some large baby spiders in the story but they seems to pose no real problem. I guess the thinking here is not necessarily that bigger is better, but actually easier to deal with in terms of a storyline and most likely cheaper in the special FX department. The FX themselves are not always too bad but usually hover around the quality of one of those corny CGI T-Rex direct to DVD or direct to streaming movies. I hate spiders and when I searched the term big ass spider on Google I saw some real spider pics that freaked me out. This movie had some moments like that early on when the cat-sized sider was slithering around the dark corners of the hospital. I admit, it scared me a little in those moments, but after it got really big ass the movie turned really lame ass.

Like I said I have seen much worse “mega” movies and Big Ass Spider has it moments here and there.










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