13 January 2016

WHY CAN'T I FRIGGING BLOG ANYMORE?

The last entry I made here was 2 Nov 15, and that was actually just a repost of of an old post from Necrotic Cinema. I have toyed with the idea of deleting that blog altogether, except that I love the name and the header design so much I cannot bear to part with it yet. I moved almost all posts from there to here at The Uranium Cafe (never sure if I should capitalize the definite article or not so I do just to be safe) as a plan to incorporate newer film reviews in with the old "classic" stuff. I felt maintaining two blogs was too much for me. Seems just maintaining one has become too much. The ordeal is that I want to write. I want to blog. But it just seems futile for some reason. I feel I have so much to say and a unique way to say it in. I am not giving up by the ten finger bones of Crom, but  I have really lost the passion I once had. I do not believe one has to have burning passion in order to continue doing something they like or love. It can be done out of a sense or marginal commitment or interest. I think most things are done that way and passion does not equate to something wonderful. Or to anything at all. I knew a young lady in Seattle who had a burning passion for the bass guitar. She just practically drooled when she talked about the bass and her how she just wanted to play it all the time. In all the time I knew her she never owned a bass guitar.

But it seems I am not just not driven to want to come here and sit and do posts on things any longer. What happened? I have no idea really. It is as if I just no longer care. I get a burst of inspiration and it peters out as quickly as it came. I no longer follow other people's blogs or comment on them. I still watch lots of movies, almost daily. I have considered all manner of things. For example to review more mainstream movies of which I watch many. To write super short reviews of less than one Word Document page in length. To do more photo posts. Podcast more (hell, that is even ore work than writing really). In the end I just feel a lack of interest or motivation in sitting down here and adding something interesting to the site. I keep doing these stupid "why I can't blog" posts over and over. In the end I just wish I could blog and not care about comments or traffic even. I am about to go to India for a couple weeks. When I get back I will see what happens. Either I get back to blogging, or I retire the site. I hope it is the former.

5 comments:

Roger said...

Hello, Bill,

Sorry to hear you are in this mental space regarding your blogging. I have felt this too, and may I suggest it is because of two things.

1) there is this unspoken need to always blog, to always update, to always "engage", to have comments, likes, reblogs,etc. BUT YOU DON'T. You're blogging/writing, I expect, to express yourself. And all that extra engagement, in this www world of infinite distractions is impossible. "Why bother?" Well, cause you write and talk about films. It's in your blood.

I get why you'd want to delete the blog. But isn't its existence, here, even if it's not being updated, okay? I have avoided my blog for months at a time, but when I post again I get my 12 hits and maybe one comment from a friend, and it's good.

2) Change your idea of "blogging" to "writing about film" which it sounds like you already do. There is no need to do things that aren't fun (blogging, podcasting) when what you really want to do, maybe is put those one-pagers onto tumbler or facebook. Blogging is a phase we all go through, not an obligation. I love your old posts here and maybe it's just time to do something else for a while. You have some great content here and patience readers. ;)

All the best, and cheers. Roger

Rob S Gray said...

I hear you! And in this day where it seems that only the "everything sucks" kind of blogs get any attention, it really zaps motivation. I would hate to see your blog go, but I get it for sure.

Bill Courtney said...

Roger/Roy

Yea. I think I might one of those guys who outs their heart and soul into only to see no return. The thing might be to stop putting my heart and soul into it. It is a flippin' horror movie blog, not a multi-volume treatise on western philosophy. I would not delete this blog, it is another blog I run that I considered deleting (Necrotic Cinema) but I doubt I would do it. Another issue I have is my Internet (I live in China) sucks all the time. I have a good window and use my VPN to get stuff up. But in the end I begin to feel like I am working from inside a dark room.

I doubt I will quit or give up. And yea, it may be an attitude adjustment is all I need. Or yet one more, as I have had so many about this issue already. Thanks guys.

Rob S Gray said...

I'll let Roy know.

Dr Blood said...

I don't know what to add to this. I'm in the same position. I think I just grew out of blogging.